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I have been at rock bottom and back. I want to share my journey with you. I have felt love deeper and stronger than I ever knew possible. I have grown closer to Christ and been influenced by amazing people.

Life....at last


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Isaac




The first weekend in September I went to see Isaac. He was gettin blessed in church. His family invited me to go. I was so flattered! I was so excited to see him. part of me was a little scared but not too much. I knew that he wouldnt remember me but that wasnt my concern. On the drive there I tried to prepare myself. I told myself that he probably wont want me to hold him. He wont cuddle to me or even recognize my face. I was ready. I knew it would be ok, I knew it would be ok because he has everything I have ever wanted for him.

We pulled up at the house. Got out of the car and just started walking. We got to the door and thats when I realized what I was doing. But by then it was too late, his sister answered the door. She looked up at me and said "I've missed you!" It was so sweet! she gave me a hug and felt so warm and welcome and thought "MAN! Isaac has a great sister!" She is so sweet and kind hearted, she is an amazing older sister.

We walked in and I looked around trying to not look to anxious to see him. He wasnt around. I saw his dad and gave him a hug. I saw his brother and gave him a hug too. He imidiatly told me that Isaac was upstairs, he just woke up. I went into the kitchen with my mom. We were there sitting and talking with his dad. Then all of the sudden, there he was, in his moms arms. I have never seen a more beautiful little boy. He was so cute and so sweet! He looked so curious, like "who are these people in my house?" she walked over and handed him to me. I held him and he looked at me like he was trying to figure out who i was. It was precious. I loved holding him. His little belly and arms and legs. Man! had he grown up! He looked so big and so cute! I mean he really is a little man. You can tell from looking at him that he thinks he is older than he is. My heart instantly filled with warmth. I felt...happy! I took him in the backyard and saw him walk. His little bum waddling back and forth, his arms in the air as if thats makes him go faster, his voice shriking with excitment. It was the most beautiful thing i have seen. I loved watching his brother and sister play with him fight over who gets to kiss him next. This is what I wanted. This is it! a family, conent, happy, baby life. He is a momas boy, I love that. He LOVES his mom. I mean that just shows me that he is loved and perfectly taken care of.

Words cant explin how happy that moment made me when i saw him lay his head on his mom. I just knew that he was happy and that is all that matters to me, that is all that has ever mattered to me. His well being and happiness have always mattered to me more than anything else in this world. After a little bit of playing we went to church for the belssing. When it came time to bless him I was so shocked to see my dad and older brother get up to go bless him! I had no idea that they were invited....it meant more to me than I think his family will ever know. The blessing was beautiful and touched me so deep. Then after the blessing they came and sat down and they asked me if i wanted to hold him. How did they know! lol! I leaned over and held him. He was so into my face and the features. it was cute! he just looked at me. Then we played with one of his toys. Then his mom and dad got up to bare their testimony. They were beautiful. His mom expressed hoe grateful she was to finally have her family that she has always wanted. She was so happy to have a family! something so small and something that we forget how lucky we are to have. It was so touching. Then his dad said that he was so thankful for each of their birth-childrens birth mothers. Without them they wouldnt have the beautiful family that they did. I thought, "wow, i did that" I helped this couple have a family." I felt so happy. I not only gave my sone everything I have ever wanted for him but I blessed the lives of two amazing people that deserve to have a family just as much as anyone else. It was hard for me but worth it.

I could never explain what I have been throug in words that can relate people to my feelings. But I can remember them for myself. I know that what I did was right and that it was for my son and him only. I have lived a life and I have an amazing family. I want that for him, he is my most amazing blessing. He has done more for me than he will ever know. I am so happy. I love my son more than the day I had him and more than the day I placed him. I find peace and happiness in knowing that he is ok and he is happy. He will know who I am and he will know that I love him. Thats enough for me.

He is my baby boy and always will be. :)


2 comments:

The Hightower's said...

What a neat experience! You are an incredibly strong person and I look up to you sooo much! What a handsome little man he is, and he looks like his beautiful mama! As you know I had Rylie young, and I can't even imagine going through what you went through with Isaac! I can feel the love you have for him through your words! Thanks for sharing that!!

Kirk and Kathy said...

Thanks for making me cry Danielle! If I'd know THAT was going to happen I wouldn't have put my make-up on this morning before blogging!

I am so happy Isaac's adoptive parents are so incredibly secure and generous. What a magnificent gift that you are able to see him and confirm the right-ness of your decision.

I love ya. Had fun at lunch again...until next month...same time, same place, same food, same good conversation :)