About Me

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I have been at rock bottom and back. I want to share my journey with you. I have felt love deeper and stronger than I ever knew possible. I have grown closer to Christ and been influenced by amazing people.

Life....at last

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its funny

Its funny how some things in your life will change your life totally and some make no impact when they should. I guess its good to have those things that change your life as long as it is for the better. Weather you are leaving you life of crime and poverty to better yourself because you know that you better than that. Why should one person have what they want out of life and not another just because of where you grew up? If you want something enough then you can have it, I believe that, or at least I did. 

I have been through hell and back and I have learned a lot. I have grown a lot. And I feel like I have given my soul to God to have him help me make the right choice. And I thought or think I did. But when you sacrifice something that is a part of you, when you take the higher harder road, and you give yourself time to heal, aren't you supposed to just feel like you are on top of the world? I mean i dont believe in doing things to get something back, and that is not what i did, but i have to wonder. I feel like I have been through so much pain and heartache that by now I would have at least found a smidge of that one little thing that i didnt think exists. But it feels like I get further and further away from it.

Did I make a mistake? My family didnt like him, He was not right by me, but at the same time i knew him like no one else in the situation and he had a hard time dealing and that is how he dealt. Would he have been there for me more if I did what he wanted?? Would I have not gotten so hurt? Would he still be in my life? Its been two years and I still want him...is that normal? is that ok? Every guy I have ever dated i measure up to this one guy, before things went down on us... it was the best relationship i have ever had. EVER. no one even comes close to treating me how he did. I miss him. I miss him a lot. I want to be with him, and he has moved on and is so happy and im stuck. Im so happy he is happy, because when you love someone no matter what it takes you want them to be happy, even if it isnt with you. I wish i had the chance to have a second chance with him. But its over and I guess it will take time...I guess just longer than I had thought. But I have no closure with him, I want him to forgive me, tell me that he is ok and happy and that everything will be ok. I need to hear that but I guess I never will. Ill just go on, pretending im over him and that everything is ok, after all the only person i have control over is myself. Gotta make it work right? Be strong, stand tall and dont look back.