I have been at rock bottom and back. I want to share my journey with you. I have felt love deeper and stronger than I ever knew possible. I have grown closer to Christ and been influenced by amazing people.
I was litening to the song "Bye Bye" by Mariah Carey and it got me thinking for the first time. I have listened to it before and I know that I like it but this time I herd it differently.
I have lately been wanting to hear my sons laugh more than anything. I would give anything just hear his laugh. I get pictures and letters from him and he is so happy. That makes me happy. I know the feeling now of my parent being happy when Im happy and how much they really just want me to be happy. All I wanted for my son was for him to be happy and content and I see that in his pictures. My heart grows ten sizes every time I see his pictures. He is smilling laughing...being a baby! It so rewarding and it makes me feel so happy that happy is nowhere near a strong enough word. I could never sxplain the feeling I get when i see him happy. Well I was listening to that song and I thought of how much it hurt to say bye bye to my son...but now how right it was. The song talks about being able to say goodbye to someone and let your feelings show that you miss them or to stand proud if you let someone go cause you love them. Its such a different approach to saying goodbye. Alot of people will hold on those feelings of feeling like the lost someone and said goodbye, but yet we shout out when we have something good happen. Well why cant we stand and put our hands in air and feel out loud about saying goodbye. You know that they say when you really love someone you have to say goodbye. When you really love someone you will do what is best for them....they come first. That to me is true love. Love is not selfish or unkind. It is giving and honest. I feel that I have felt the greatest love and I did the best thing. I said bye bye. And now the one person in this world that has my heart is happy. That is all I wanted. I did that. I put that smile on his face. I put that laugh in his heart. I put that sense of saftey and comfort and content in his mind. I gave him a famil, I gave him a life, the life a baby should have. He will always know who I am and always know I love him. That is good enough for me. :) I love my son I love him so much I let him go.