About Me

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I have been at rock bottom and back. I want to share my journey with you. I have felt love deeper and stronger than I ever knew possible. I have grown closer to Christ and been influenced by amazing people.

Life....at last

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Following the darkest night follows the brightest dawn

"FOLLWOING THE DARKEST NIGHT FOLLOWS THE BRIGHTEST DAWN" I first herd this quote from my friend that came to see me a day after I had placed my son for adoption. At the time I didnt believe it. I was so low I couldn't see how that would ever possibly work. How, when you're so low, can you believe that it gets better? Its like I was so far down a hole in the ground that the top was a speck the size of a star in the sky. Every morning I woke up I was supposed to feel better... but it just got harder and harder to get out of bed. I remember thinking that my bed was my only comfort. But then I thought, if there is a speck of light...that means there is a speck of hope. My "dark night" lasted so long. It felt as though the rest of my life was going to be dark. But then one morning I woke up and I felt a little brighter. I now belive the saying more than ever. I see life in such a brighter way. Right now my sun is still rising...but at least its rising right? It a beautiful sunrise too. The colors give both energy and hope, peace and comfort. Its beautiful. I believe I have gottne over the hardest part, but I dont by any means feel as though its easy. Everyday I have to remind myself that if I made it this far then I only have up to go from here. And that is exaclty where I plan to go. Up.

--Danielle Stewart

NO ONE talks about my son like that!

So I went on a trip this past week to Jersey to visit my sister. I had a really good trip and it was a lot of fun. But there was one thing that happened that made me so mad. I cant remember ever feeling that mad.

I had a guy that I had been talking to tell me that me placing my son for adoption was selfish and that I was only thinking of myself. And know that just before this he had gotten mad at me for a judgment that I made on him. I admitted that I shouldnt have done that and that I was wrong but then he turns around and judges me, and with this! He has no idea! I did not choose the easy way out and I did what was best for my son. I know this and I dont need anyone to tell me different. He can have his point of view that is fine, but I wont have that in my life. I dont need someone in my life telling me that what I did was selfish, someone bringing me down. I have been through hell and back through this adoption and I think that considereing how low I got im doing really well. Im not going to let some guy who is inmature and insecure with himself to bring me down. I can understand his point of view if I had choosen to place him because I didnt want the resposibility, but that was not the case. I would have loved to have the chance to raise him, waks up and feed him, play with him, feed him, bath him, take him the doctor to see how much he had grown, be so tired from no sleep to take care of him, but I also would never see him, I would work full time and then another part time job. My mom would have raised him and I would only see him at night and maybe on the weekends. I would be working just to make ends meet. I had no support from the dad and I know that I wanted my son to have more. I wanted him to have a stable home and a strong father figure. I wanted to have the family that I believe in and this was the only way to give it to him. As his mother I felt that it was my duty to give what he needed no matter what, so I did. It sucked for me but it wasnt me I was worried about. Im so happy of where he is and I love that it is an open adoption. He is my pride and joy and my inspiration. He is my greatest blessing and not a day goes by where I dont wish he was in my arms, but that comes with the desicion I made and I have no regrets. I made that decision with God on my side. I know I did the right thing and Im proud of myself.
That guy obviously doesn't understand and that is ok. I dont think anyone ever will unless they go through it themselves. I love my son and no one will ever love him as much as I do. Like they say, when you really love someone you have to let them go. He is taken care of and is happy, that is all I want...for him to be happy. :)