1 year ago I was holding my son. Getting in as many kisses as I could before I had to let him go. Last year on October 21st, a beautiful baby boy named Issac was born. He came into my life that day and changed it forever. I took one look at him and could not believe how much I loved him. I knew at that moment that what I was about to do would be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I knew that from that moment I would never be the same. This little innocent 7 pound boy had more of an impact on my life than anyone or thing in my life. And he didnt even know it!
Friday night I flew out to where my son lives. I went out to spend some time with him for his birthday. I wasnt even scared, since this wasn't my first time seeing him since I placed him. I was more excited!
I got to his house and there he was. In the arms of his mother. So content and happy. I just felt this rush of joy. That day was the best day this year for me. I got to spend so much time with him. See him open presents, play with them, and his family. I got to feed him and hold him and play with him. I couldnt believe how happy I was. He has such an amazing life and I gave that to him! I gave him everything I EVER wanted for him! I was so happy that words cant even come close to how I felt. I would look at him and not be able to believe that I made him. That I was this beautiful sweet little boys birth-mother. Im so proud to be his birthmother. He has my eyes and my smile and my fat cheeks! He has my soft skin and my big heart.
I never knew that love could run so deep. I have been through so much this year even after Iplaced him. Things that weren't related to him. But now that I look back, they were nothing compared to what happened a year ago. Im a better person now, stronger, smarter, and have expereinced a love that will never be replaced. The people in my life back then that are no longer in my life now, are only missing out on the best of me. They couldnt stand to deal with something life that hard. I did it, I overcame it, I am better because of it. They stopped and just left me. Couldnt deal with it. I am stronger than them. And at the time I didnt feel that but now that Ilook back I see that I made it through! I made it through my year of hell! sadness so deep and I never thought I could come out. Lonliness so dark I never thought I would be whole again. This little boy has a special part of my heart and always will.
I am so proud of myself, and no one will make me feel differently. I have realized that now I can do anything! I can do anything! It has been one hell of a year, but all for the better :)
About Me
- dani-gurl
- I have been at rock bottom and back. I want to share my journey with you. I have felt love deeper and stronger than I ever knew possible. I have grown closer to Christ and been influenced by amazing people.
Showing posts with label danielle stewart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label danielle stewart. Show all posts
NO ONE talks about my son like that!
So I went on a trip this past week to Jersey to visit my sister. I had a really good trip and it was a lot of fun. But there was one thing that happened that made me so mad. I cant remember ever feeling that mad.
I had a guy that I had been talking to tell me that me placing my son for adoption was selfish and that I was only thinking of myself. And know that just before this he had gotten mad at me for a judgment that I made on him. I admitted that I shouldnt have done that and that I was wrong but then he turns around and judges me, and with this! He has no idea! I did not choose the easy way out and I did what was best for my son. I know this and I dont need anyone to tell me different. He can have his point of view that is fine, but I wont have that in my life. I dont need someone in my life telling me that what I did was selfish, someone bringing me down. I have been through hell and back through this adoption and I think that considereing how low I got im doing really well. Im not going to let some guy who is inmature and insecure with himself to bring me down. I can understand his point of view if I had choosen to place him because I didnt want the resposibility, but that was not the case. I would have loved to have the chance to raise him, waks up and feed him, play with him, feed him, bath him, take him the doctor to see how much he had grown, be so tired from no sleep to take care of him, but I also would never see him, I would work full time and then another part time job. My mom would have raised him and I would only see him at night and maybe on the weekends. I would be working just to make ends meet. I had no support from the dad and I know that I wanted my son to have more. I wanted him to have a stable home and a strong father figure. I wanted to have the family that I believe in and this was the only way to give it to him. As his mother I felt that it was my duty to give what he needed no matter what, so I did. It sucked for me but it wasnt me I was worried about. Im so happy of where he is and I love that it is an open adoption. He is my pride and joy and my inspiration. He is my greatest blessing and not a day goes by where I dont wish he was in my arms, but that comes with the desicion I made and I have no regrets. I made that decision with God on my side. I know I did the right thing and Im proud of myself.
That guy obviously doesn't understand and that is ok. I dont think anyone ever will unless they go through it themselves. I love my son and no one will ever love him as much as I do. Like they say, when you really love someone you have to let them go. He is taken care of and is happy, that is all I want...for him to be happy. :)
I had a guy that I had been talking to tell me that me placing my son for adoption was selfish and that I was only thinking of myself. And know that just before this he had gotten mad at me for a judgment that I made on him. I admitted that I shouldnt have done that and that I was wrong but then he turns around and judges me, and with this! He has no idea! I did not choose the easy way out and I did what was best for my son. I know this and I dont need anyone to tell me different. He can have his point of view that is fine, but I wont have that in my life. I dont need someone in my life telling me that what I did was selfish, someone bringing me down. I have been through hell and back through this adoption and I think that considereing how low I got im doing really well. Im not going to let some guy who is inmature and insecure with himself to bring me down. I can understand his point of view if I had choosen to place him because I didnt want the resposibility, but that was not the case. I would have loved to have the chance to raise him, waks up and feed him, play with him, feed him, bath him, take him the doctor to see how much he had grown, be so tired from no sleep to take care of him, but I also would never see him, I would work full time and then another part time job. My mom would have raised him and I would only see him at night and maybe on the weekends. I would be working just to make ends meet. I had no support from the dad and I know that I wanted my son to have more. I wanted him to have a stable home and a strong father figure. I wanted to have the family that I believe in and this was the only way to give it to him. As his mother I felt that it was my duty to give what he needed no matter what, so I did. It sucked for me but it wasnt me I was worried about. Im so happy of where he is and I love that it is an open adoption. He is my pride and joy and my inspiration. He is my greatest blessing and not a day goes by where I dont wish he was in my arms, but that comes with the desicion I made and I have no regrets. I made that decision with God on my side. I know I did the right thing and Im proud of myself.
That guy obviously doesn't understand and that is ok. I dont think anyone ever will unless they go through it themselves. I love my son and no one will ever love him as much as I do. Like they say, when you really love someone you have to let them go. He is taken care of and is happy, that is all I want...for him to be happy. :)
I love you.....now what?
Well I herd on the radio today people telling stories about a time when they told someone that they loved them and the person said thank you in return and stories that were vice verse..
I have never been in the situation but I do know that I have done the one thing that you shouldn’t do, and that is say “I love you” back because you don’t want to hurt the other persons feelings. I am one of those people that likes everyone to be happy. I am the pleas-er. I want everyone to be happy and if someone is not I take it as my fault if I cant fix it. I don’t like people to suffer and be sad if I can help it. Of course there are those people that have done so wrong that I don’t feel bad for them to a point but at the same time I think that if someone is willing to try to be better and change their life then I don’t think I’m one to down that. With all that said I was sitting there listening to these people tell their stories of hearing the dreadful “Thank You” and I thought….whats better if the person doesn’t feel the same? “Thank you?” or nothing?
I personally with what I have experienced being the one to have the response it would have been so much better if I had said Thank you, instead of saying I love you back out of compassion. But I also do think that you can say something better than nothing and better than Thank you. You could explain where you are. I think that if the person is going to take the courage to put themselves out there then they at least deserve an explanation back. You should or they should at least tell them how they feel and where they are. I know that if i told someone that I love them and they weren’t ready to say it back I would like an explanation as to where they are. I think that it would be least a person could do.
Sincerely,
Danielle Stewart
I have never been in the situation but I do know that I have done the one thing that you shouldn’t do, and that is say “I love you” back because you don’t want to hurt the other persons feelings. I am one of those people that likes everyone to be happy. I am the pleas-er. I want everyone to be happy and if someone is not I take it as my fault if I cant fix it. I don’t like people to suffer and be sad if I can help it. Of course there are those people that have done so wrong that I don’t feel bad for them to a point but at the same time I think that if someone is willing to try to be better and change their life then I don’t think I’m one to down that. With all that said I was sitting there listening to these people tell their stories of hearing the dreadful “Thank You” and I thought….whats better if the person doesn’t feel the same? “Thank you?” or nothing?
I personally with what I have experienced being the one to have the response it would have been so much better if I had said Thank you, instead of saying I love you back out of compassion. But I also do think that you can say something better than nothing and better than Thank you. You could explain where you are. I think that if the person is going to take the courage to put themselves out there then they at least deserve an explanation back. You should or they should at least tell them how they feel and where they are. I know that if i told someone that I love them and they weren’t ready to say it back I would like an explanation as to where they are. I think that it would be least a person could do.
Sincerely,
Danielle Stewart
Ugly Betty
I am not one to usually offended by what people say to me.... but I am no super hero either. I have feelings and they can get hurt. I can get sad if someone says something to me.
I have been in denial for tha past few months. I have realized that I am bigger than I think I am. I know that I gained wieght that I am bigger but I think that I am way bigger than I thought. i gave birth to a beautliful baby boy 7 months ago and I haven't lost all the weight yet. Now I see that I need to get movin. But I have recently been turned down by two different guys for being "too big". So I question the whole "Ugly Betty" thing. I mean is it really that easy? How do you let someone get to know you if they aren't physically attracted to you? Is that the whole purpose for online dating? Is that what they were thinking? letting people get to know the person for who they really are before they physically meet?
I am a believer of knowing the person on the inside. I believe that who a person is on the inside can change the apperance on the outside. I think that I have a good personality and that I am a good person...but hjow do I get someone else to see that if they cant even look at me?
Well I know that where I am, I am not healthy so Im going to change. But not for them....for me! Im not going to go crazy but Im going to open my eyes to what is going on with my body! I need to realize that I have to be healthy to be around longer. And I want to go shopping and not dread it! Im going to keep an update and I invite anyone wanting to loose 1-100 lbs, to join me!! We all know that nothing feels better than a goal reached! So lets give it a try. We only have this one life!! So lets get movin and live our life up!!
--Danielle Stewart
I have been in denial for tha past few months. I have realized that I am bigger than I think I am. I know that I gained wieght that I am bigger but I think that I am way bigger than I thought. i gave birth to a beautliful baby boy 7 months ago and I haven't lost all the weight yet. Now I see that I need to get movin. But I have recently been turned down by two different guys for being "too big". So I question the whole "Ugly Betty" thing. I mean is it really that easy? How do you let someone get to know you if they aren't physically attracted to you? Is that the whole purpose for online dating? Is that what they were thinking? letting people get to know the person for who they really are before they physically meet?
I am a believer of knowing the person on the inside. I believe that who a person is on the inside can change the apperance on the outside. I think that I have a good personality and that I am a good person...but hjow do I get someone else to see that if they cant even look at me?
Well I know that where I am, I am not healthy so Im going to change. But not for them....for me! Im not going to go crazy but Im going to open my eyes to what is going on with my body! I need to realize that I have to be healthy to be around longer. And I want to go shopping and not dread it! Im going to keep an update and I invite anyone wanting to loose 1-100 lbs, to join me!! We all know that nothing feels better than a goal reached! So lets give it a try. We only have this one life!! So lets get movin and live our life up!!
--Danielle Stewart
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